Serenity and Survival

For those who haven't been exposed to students going through medical school, let me preface this post by explaining that it is one of the most academically rigorous experiences imaginable. The sheer volume of medical knowledge that must be understood to be an effective physician is gargantuan, and growing. Medical Schools have two short years of classroom time to prepare prospective physicians before they enter clinical settings. The volume and pace of the coursework can make the first two years of medical school seem like drinking from a firehose. 

For quite some time now I have really found a lot of truth in advice I received as a young man, "The first two weeks of anything are the most difficult. If you can make it through the first two weeks and build strong habits, things almost always get easier to manage." Right now, I am banking on this old saying. It has always been true for me in the past, and I trust that as I continue to hone my study habits that it will prove true in this new phase of my life. In many ways, this is a game of survival, where objective driven hazard avoidance helps to prioritize my time and motivate my efforts. 

The thing about survival situations, (be they physical, emotional, spiritual, or intellectual) is that they are often have an illustrative and transformative effect on our character. When all that matters is getting through the day's struggle the fluff falls away. While the experience decidedly difficult, it can usually have a liberating element. I have already had some rather interesting moments of self-actualization and reflection. I would like to share a few of them:

1. "Where are you from?" - I sometimes have a southern accent. It is almost never an intentional affectation. I have to come to think of it as an automatic emotional response. When I feel at ease with people, or want to help them feel at ease with me, I usually find myself trying to make myself more approachable with the use of colloquial language and southern language idioms. It is also sometimes a defense mechanism, when I am feeling out of my comfort zone and I am falling back on my internal self image to reassert my individuality and knowledge base I usually find that I am reinforcing my identity as a self-sufficient skilled craftsman and workman. Finally, a really big part of myself is invested in the South. I lived with and deeply loved the people of the South for two years. They forever changed the way that I look at the world and look at myself. They rubbed off on the way I think, the way I pray, and the way I talk. I am sometimes still a little embarrassed by the fact that I have an accent, mostly because I don't want to be fake. However, part of me has decided that it isn't fake. I might not have been born there, and I might have changed an awful lot since I was a missionary there, but in many ways I am a son of the South at heart. 

2. "In times of trouble" - It is a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland at BYU quite some time ago. It is very very meaningful for me. It was given to college kids trying to deal with college problems, so it is especially easy for me to connect with, but I think that there are principles there that would bless anyone. One might think that with less time and more stress moments of spiritual reflection would be more difficult to come by. For me they have come because they have been needed more. In times of trouble, the Lord stands by us. After many hours of study I need more than break to stretch my legs, I need more than a snack, I need the strength that comes through serenity. A few minutes reading a talk, listening to a hymn, or remembering my most treasured friendships are islands of peace in an ocean of unmastered knowledge. 

3. "Why and How" - What most people don't know about medicine is just how new most of it is. The guys who discovered the structure of DNA are still alive and kicking. Mastering a knowledge of medicine might require learning more than it did 60 or 70 years ago, but in a lot of ways there are advantages to learning when you can be guided by principles. There is always going to be an element of memorization, but it seems to me that being a professional in medicine is all about learning how to think. We are not asked to take up someone's explanation for the world without evidence. Even when ideas are still being solidified, the evidence for current thinking is usually presented. I also think that it is super cool that at least one of my classes has been updated since this time last year as medical knowledge has advanced. (Specifically because a recent study has shown that bacteriophagic viruses have been shown to be part of the normal human flora.) Until that study the general thought was that no viruses played a naturally health promoting role in the human system. But because we are all about why and how, new answers are found every day. 

4. Those answers come from a lot of different sources. With the increasingly broad scope of medicine, specialization has become even more important. I am impressed with how closely knit researchers (those with medical degrees and those without) are with the clinical community (at least at the academic level) My medical school isn't overly research oriented, but the evidence of how the system works is clear in the organization of our courses. It is really pretty special. I'm sure that in some places some specialties are ranked in different classes, but at least around here, there seems to be a big picture mentality where different elements of study and practice are seen as part of a greater system. I love my school, and I love the nearly all encompassing nature of medicine. 

So, once again, even though it seems like right now all I am doing is surviving from one day to the next, there is a serene element of essentiality in that focus. At least for me, that increased focus has led to a more refined self awareness and greater appreciation for the centering power of spirituality.